Plea for Prayer

Forgive me ... that title is probably a little dramatic. But if you get a chance could you lift up our little family in prayer?

This is an emotional time for us. First of all, Kyle is gone and having him away has proven to be tough. We're fine, I promise, but miss him terribly. And Kyle misses us terribly (and, understandably, most of all Cannen). I know Cannen misses Kyle but I am very thankful he doesn't really have an understanding of time. He knows we pick up Daddy on Friday, get donuts for Daddy on Saturday and go to "Oklamama City" to drop Daddy off on Sunday, but that's about it. What happens between Sunday afternoon and Friday evening is all the same to Cannen...it's a blessing, actually!

Secondly the impending move to Weatherford brings with it a lot of stress, from getting the house ready to sell and on the market, to finding a new place to live, a new daycare and a new pediatrician, my mind is reeling. And, although I know I can do it, I am taking all of this on by myself (for the most part). And that is just a bit stressful!

I have been very emotional about moving. About leaving. I love living in Norman. It's home to me and I'm comfortable here and it's become a part of me. And now we are leaving. It's not a bad thing necessarily, as I know God has a plan for our lives and this is obviously part of his plan. But I'm having a really hard time accepting this plan.

I am 100% supportive of Kyle and I'm so proud of him for pursing his dream. We prayed for this. We prayed that he be accepted into the 61st Academy. He got in. We prayed if he got in, he would graduate. He's not there yet, but I know he WILL graduate (only 39 days!). We prayed for God's will. And I know God is not going to bring us this far and then vanish and leave it all up to us. I know that. I'm just having trouble believing that.

A few years ago during Bible Study I took a test to see which spiritual gift I had been blessed with. Mine was faith. And I firmly believe that it's true. I'm faithful. I've never struggled with having faith. But with this new turn of events in our lives my faith has been tested and is being tested even as I write this. I keep praying, "Lord, let me accept this. Let me embrace this. Let me want this." but so far I feel like I can't. In my head I know I need to. My heart? Well that's a different story.

I've always listened to Air1, but these days it's basically all I listen to, whether at work or at home. When the song "Whatever You're Doing" by Sanctus Real plays it nearly stops me in my tracks. Lyrics speak to me and music is therapy for me ... but no matter how many times I listen to or sing this song and hear these lyrics, the words just aren't sinking in. They're in my head but are not in my heart.

Please pray for joy and peace for me. I know it's there. I know God offers these things abundantly. I know the Holy Spirit is here to help me. But so far I'm at a loss. I need to surrender but I'm being stubborn. And I can't seem to let go ... this is far and away the most frustrating part. My head and my heart are in two different places and for the first time in my life I feel like I can't bring them together.

But I know God can. And I believe He will.

I just wish He'd hurry.

Wendy

Lord, help me truly and firmly believe the words of this song...

"It's time for healing. Time to move on. It's time to fix what's been broken too long. Time to make right what has been wrong. It's time to find my way to where I belong. There's a wave that's crashing over me. and all I can do is surrender.

Whatever you're doing inside of me. It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace. And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving into something heavenly.

Time for a milestone time to begin again reevaluate who I really am. Am I doing everything to follow your will? Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills. So show me what it is you want for me. I give everything I surrender ...

To whatever you're doing inside of me. It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace. And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving into something heavenly.

It's time to face up. Clean this old house. Time to breath in and let everything out. That's I've wanted to say for so many years. Time to release all my held back tears.

Whatever you're doing inside of me. It feels like chaos but I believe. You're up to something bigger than me. Larger than life. Something heavenly. Whatever you're doing. Inside of me. It feels like chaos but now I can see....... this is something bigger than me. Larger than life something heavenly. Something heavenly ...."